


Fixed Point

by notsopowerfulowl (theowlgalaxy)



Category: Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Insomnia, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-22
Updated: 2019-03-22
Packaged: 2019-11-27 18:25:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18197735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theowlgalaxy/pseuds/notsopowerfulowl
Summary: Sometimes it takes soft words and gentle touches to bring Tony back from a nightmare.(Written for Tony Stark Bingo 2019, square S5: "Hugs")





	Fixed Point

Tony stood at the large windows of their penthouse floor, only dressed in a thin t-shirt and loose pajama pants despite the chill. He stared out beyond the ocean of lights that was New York, unfocused on the view before him. Tiredness stung his distant eyes and fatigue weighed upon his body, however he refused to close his eyes for longer than a blink — any longer and the slideshow played over again. Sometimes the distorted memories and fantasies wouldn’t show; when he had nearly burnt himself out from exhaustion, so he was too drained to dream anything. But most nights, they invaded.

Many years ago, Tony would have stayed in bed, lying on his back while he waited for his racing mind to finally slow down. Now he couldn’t stay, chased out by fear _~~of~~_ for the person sleeping next to him. A curl of bitter self-hatred stirred in his chest at the thought of waking up Pepper from her well-deserved rest for something as trivial as a bad dream. Even after all the therapy, he couldn’t quell the guilt of that time he had summoned the suit after a nightmare. The memory ate at him with the pain and fear that his ( _selfish needy **worthless**_ ) presence had inflicted upon her. If he could repay her for all her patience and kindness and endless love in letting her rest, he’d endured a hundred thousand sleepless nights to let her sleep in peace _~~and safet~~_ ~~y~~.

But then a gradual trickle of awareness seeped through his introspection—the pats of footsteps approached from behind, and his shoulders tensed in _~~fear~~_ anticipation. His breath slowed to shallow ~~silent~~ huffs. His fingers tapped harder against his chest where the arc reactor was once buried. His body geared up with chemicals and muscle memory, readying the options however the _~~inevitable unavoidable~~_ interaction would play out. Even though the steps weren’t heavy ( _not_ _like stomping shoes or drunken stumbles_ ), and the muted taps against the wood sounded like someone wearing slippers ( _Ty had never worn slippers—only oxfords made of hard leather bent into a point too sharp against Tony’s shin, his leg, his stomach_ ) wasn’t enough to convince his panicky ( _dramatic self-centered over-exaggerating **nagging**_ ) mind of no danger.

“Tony…” Regardless of how soft the voice was, Tony still startled. He turned his head slowly to glance over his shoulder, a knot of worry loosened in his stomach to see Pepper standing at his side. A small flicker of pride sparked at seeing her wearing one of his hoodies over her long pajamas.

Brows pinched, she frowned as she reached out. She wrapped her hand around his bicep, soft and gentle as her fingers smoothed down his arm, past his wrist ( _large bruises in the shape of fingers, ache flaring from his arm, his wrist, his elbow_ ) and slipped between his own. She held his other arm as she guided him to face her, to face away from the will o’ wisp-like city lights.

“What’s going on in that head of yours?” she asked. “Was it the portal?”

Tony let out a shaky exhale and shook his head. Anchored by her presence, he noticed the minute tremors that quaked him when contested by the calm and steadiness of her hold.

“Was it Afghanistan?” Tony gave another negative. “The Ultron nightmare?” Same response.

She pursed her lips. “Then what was it about…” She cut herself off as her eyes widened slightly. “Oh, Tony…”

He looked away, unable to meet her eyes, unable to push away the residual thoughts of _not good enough, a selfish partner, too self-absorbed, too arrogant, never gives enough attention never remembers the important details just a failure failure failure a failure undeserving of love no one will love you no one else will love you like I do since you’re a no one no one no one—_

A gentle squeeze of Pepper’s fingers drew Tony away from the destructive voice. With a small tug, she guided him across their floor, down the hallway, and back into their bedroom. She let go of him long enough to pull off the hoodie, then steered him over to their bed. On autopilot, he mirrored her as she climbed into bed, where she pulled the covers up to their chests.

Pepper’s heart ached to see how his gaze remained downcast — to see the dark circles and shadows drawn across Tony’s face, erasing the laugh-lines and mischievous glint she loved. Undeterred, she slid her hands up his shoulders and cupped his jaw.

Tony’s eyes finally snapped up to meet hers, and the love and sympathy shining back astonished him.

“He’s gone, sweetheart,” Pepper whispered, caressing his cheek through the shivers shuddering through his body. “He can’t hurt you anymore.”

_But he can_ , Tony wanted to say, _His voice is still there in the dark and it won’t go away—_

“He was wrong,” she continued, voice firm and unwavering. “He was, is, and _always_ will be wrong. About you, about your achievements, about your love...”

Pepper pressed her forehead against his, as if she could project all the admiration and love she felt for him from her head to his. “And about your worth. The tears, the pain, the fear – I’d bear it over and over again. Because you have _always_ been worth it.”

Vision blurring, Tony sniffled in a deeper breath and curled into her arms. She tightened her embrace and let him tuck his head under her chin. She shifted so he could intertwine his legs with hers, ignoring how cold his feet. Finally, his eyes fluttered shut, his mind anchored in place.

**Author's Note:**

> It's a short one this time but I didn't feel like it needed to be any longer. I'll definitely will post up longer fics because I have big ideas for the other prompts, but if you want to see my bingo card, leave a comment to let me know and I'll post it on my tumblr [@notsopowerfulowl](https://notsopowerfulowl.tumblr.com/)
> 
> Otherwise I hope you enjoyed the story! Constructive feedback and comments are always appreciated!


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